the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
happy birthday twinnie! we shall have a combined celebration after your exams, don't you forget!
the fallen saint left at 10:38 pm
i'm so screwed.
the fallen saint left at 10:04 pm
committed a really amateur mistake today: nicked my face while shaving in the morning.
the fallen saint left at 9:55 pm
every different line is directed at different people who've come my way so far. i won't say who it's directed at; i believe if you're the relevant person for whichever line and you're reading my blog, you should know without need for question.
the fallen saint left at 10:33 pm
played rugby. got a lot of stick from the usual arsehole for missing one tackle. but it's all good, use the criticism or lose the opportunity for improvement.
the fallen saint left at 3:14 pm
it's make or break, my son.
the fallen saint left at 11:30 pm i will never be able to accept the politics in the military service. our military service, to be more specific. i'm not interested in pointing fingers at anyone or mentioning names - i think people from the office should know who is at fault - and also there are other instances where protectionism within the service is so blatant and unconcealed.
the fallen saint left at 11:40 am
i think what best represents my life right now is a treadmill- i keep running, but i'm going nowhere. i began with a 'quick start', and because of that i decide when i want to press the 'stop' button. but when, i wonder?
the fallen saint left at 9:48 pm
"As much as two thirds of a well-fed sloth's body-weight consists of the contents of its stomach, and the digestive process can take as long as a month or more to complete."
the fallen saint left at 9:22 pm
it's fun to be able to do whatever you want whilst knowing others are toiling at work in the office of an inept supervisor. naijiz, i know what you're going to say when you read this. hence, in the spirit of pre-empting: "ouch". =)
the fallen saint left at 7:57 pm
i've begun to notice an odd trend going on the roads during the weekend.
the fallen saint left at 3:27 pm
watched 'closer' last night, the movie starring jude law, natalie portman, clive owen and julia roberts. it was brilliant, almost surreal. and it bore so much relevance to my life so far. so many quotes from the movie pertained to the decisions i encountered before, i could feel it reaching out somehow.
the fallen saint left at 1:33 pm
Sunday, April 30, 2006
today
had a run with my dad this morning. think i strained my left calf a bit in the process, but i can still walk, so it can't be that bad.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
oops
and i don't know why.. i don't seem to really care.
Monday, April 24, 2006
eek
well i was really sleepy then. maybe i needed something to stir myself awake. a rush of blood to the head- or face.
or maybe it's just time to dump the gillette and go for the nice electric braun.. hahaha.
tsk, my birthday's coming..
Monday, April 17, 2006
potpourri
you'll be flying in september and i know i'll miss you as much as i did before, so i hope you take care and keep in touch. you're always someone special.
my love for widgets died but not my concern about you. i probably won't get multiple taskbars, and it's just as well, heh. and i'll love you more after the mini arrives.
you can take your jibes at me all you want, but that's just fuel for me to improve. if we meet on opposite ends in future, i'll make my tackles on you count. and you won't forget them any time soon.
you could show the whole world your newfound happiness, i don't care. you're the last girl i'll cry for, not because no one can replace you, but because your hypocrisy opened my eyes.
i know we've drifted further than we initially imagined, but the times we grew up together are etched in my memories and will be kept safe there. you're still important, and someone i look up to.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
burning
happy to be in one piece and leave the whole injury fear behind.
sorry to the office chums whom i abandoned today. i really wanted to play rugby again, no matter how bad it can get, and it turned out alright today anyway. it's a special sport.
Friday, April 14, 2006
blast from the past
time to exorcise some demons tomorrow.
disappointment
i could almost hate so many of the people who take this.. job as their career. there's so much that goes behind the scenes that it's degrading to be associated with all the nonsense in their quest to ascend the promotion ladder. you may say i am naive because national service is my first job, and that in reality most commerical firms operate the same way. fine, i will not dispute that. but meritocracy and equality? pah. i spit on that. that's the absolute bollocks when it comes to the government's claims of these qualities.
a lot of the people in service don't deserve their jobs, seriously. i don't think people should be in the military as a career when they really only just want to get by each day doing as little as possible. that's not how you're going to be successful in anything. yes, there are some who give it their all, but there are so many others for every one of those dedicated individuals who are only interested in their monthly paychecks and it disgusts me; if you haul in a few thousand a month (and your job expects you to be fit and tough), you should at least be sweating your fat arse a bit every day.
i have no respect for people who don't deserve what they get. problem with authority? so be it.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
on a roundabout
when will i give in to all this and say i've had enough and i want out? or i could run the last breath out of my body.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
humour from Guardian Unlimited
- Ross Carroll
"My football fantasy goes like this: Liverpool beat Chelsea in the Cup, Chelsea panic in the league, lose to Bolton, lose to United, lose the last game of the season at Newcastle to a John Terry own-goal after Didier Drogba, Damien Duff and Arjen Robben are sent off for fighting each other. Roman Abramovich sacks Mourinho, Chelsea fail to win a trophy under Guus Hiddink, Abramovich walks out uto make Dynamo Moscow the richest club in the world, Chelsea are relegated, go bankrupt, I start hating United again. Oh, and City win their first trophy in 31 years."
- Simon Hattenstone
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
synopsis
on a side note, those who like to torture themselves should inhale curry powder. try it, you may ditch the glue.
one last thing to add.. last night we dropped by at geylang on the way to the airport for some supper. having parked the car about 2 blocks away from the coffee shop we were headed for, we had to cover the distance on foot. it was nearing midnight, and anyone who's lived in this country for a couple of years will know what's likely to come next. jackson and i got touched on our arms by 'people'. it was a horrendous experience. i swear, if ever i go to geylang for supper i'm either parking right outside the eating place or i'm stopping for takeaway. either that or have a girlfriend in tow while walking along the five-foot ways. especially at that time of the night. unless you're not there for the food..
Sunday, April 02, 2006
deja vu recoil
it all began when i was comfortably nestled into the bus seat on my way out. as the bus cruised along dunearn road on its way to the city i was my usual self, staring out the window, lost in thought (it does sound better as opposed to 'daydreaming'). and ever so often a nice car catches my eye - i find myself to be a chic car radar - and all the focus rushes into my eyes as i take in all the lines and curves of the automobile.
and just as i'm about done with feasting my eyes on the car, another identical one zips by. it's happened more than a handful of times in just a day, which strikes me as peculiar, because why is it that i'm seeing two of the same cars driving along side by side, or in tandem? and it's not the subarus or lancers that i'm referring to. it's the SLKs and CLS' and lexus' and 645i's i'm talking about.
i hope the owners of the cars driving together don't know each other, because it would be such an embarrassment to own the same car as a friend. because we're not talking about civics or sunny's or corollas. because this is the ostentatious side of the spectrum where everyone wants to be different from all the rest - and are willing to pay the money for it. but unfortunately, watching these cars together just makes me think of street gangs who probably get discounts for buying a few of the same cars at a go. think of the highway robbery in 'the fast and the furious', of the civics with neon green lights.
go figure. in any case, it's drawn my attention to a SLK 350 instead of the boxster S. like i said, go figure.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
of last night
on a side note, i think certain individuals - without want of mentioning names - should get their priorities straightened out now before they regret it a couple of years down the road. school's not a fashion runway; you're there to get an academic education first and foremost, everything else ought to be secondary. junior college is your bridge between high school and university, and you would do well to stay on the bridge and avoid falling into the water.